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Conflict – What's Mine?

Conflict – What's Mine?

Conflict – What's Mine?

Individuals and teams often struggle to agree and can get stuck in a cycle of blame and conflict.

Within that cycle there can be a lot of frustration and feelings of helplessness as people believe they have done everything they can; ultimately, they want the other person, party or system to change. It is a defensive reaction, blaming someone or something else may help us cope with it, but it is not effective at resolving the situation.


When last did anyone succeed in forcing someone or something else to change?


When caught in this situation, and you are able to recognise that the situation is triggering a defensive response, ask yourself the question ‘what in this is mine?’ In other words what have you contributed to the situation, what part do you own?

By being honest and acknowledging that you may have contributed something and taking personal responsibility for it, empowers you to change your response to the situation, even if it is only your attitude in the moment. And if you change - the response you receive will change and things start to shift. I am sure we can all think of an example when we have experienced this at work or home.

It seems simple, right? Of course, but not always easy as these situations trigger us, and we react and respond defensively. We need to pause and create a space to take a breath. If you take that breath, and you think about any situations/relationships that are currently stuck for you, and with open heart and mind ask, ‘what’s mine?’ What changes?


What can you do differently and when will you do it?


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